9th and Apart

We used to dream of a life with less worries. A house where we would build our dreams together. A car that would take us anywhere when we feel like road tripping. A daughter whom you would spoil with all your love and affection and a little sister for Enzo to play with. We dream of having a home full of love and laughter. A home where we can be ourselves and not be afraid of sounding stupid or silly. Where support and encouragement is freely given even before you ask. A home where God is the foundation. But God, He has other plans.

Honestly, the day you were fighting for your life I prayed so hard, so hard that I know in my heart God heard me. I asked Him to spare you, to give us another chance. I know He heard me. He heard my cries and even the cracks that are starting form in my heart, but He has made up his mind. I was in pain, seeing you in a state of coma in that hospital bed. No trace of smile, just pure pain. I was so used to seeing you happy and jolly and so it

hurts so bad seeing you like that. I talked to you and asked you to fight, I'm not sure if you heard. I know you're in dire pain and asking you to win that battle is so selfish of me but I still I wanted you to win because I don't want to be left alone. Because I wouldn't know what to do without you. I was mad. No, I was furious. I don't understand why. How can God let that happen? How can He take you away from me even if He heard my pleas? I was angry at Him. It even came to the point that whenever I see bible verses I would scroll down and avoid it. I couldn't read it because it reminded me that God made me feel abandoned. I was lost. I don't know where to go. 

I talked to Him every night and to get answers to all my questions but to no avail I failed. They say that God has a purpose but my eyes couldn't see and my heart doesn't understand. I was too busy dealing with the pain. I was too busy grieving. I was consumed by my emotions and I thought avoiding Him would save me from more pain. But God in all his greatness stood by me even if I was fuming. Even if I felt He has forsaken me during the moments I was crying for help. He was there, letting me have my space, letting me cry, letting me be angry at Him but never left my side. I felt Him working his way in me. It was then I that I learned, I have a loyal God.  

Pops, you drew me even closer to God. It hurts that it has to be you that He chose to be his medium to call me. When I could've just answered him at once out of the many times he waited for me to respond. It made me think that if I could've just acknowledge all his invitations you might still be here, that I may still be able to hug and kiss you goodnight. I am still broken and I think I will forever be. But a part of me says that I still am the luckiest to have love and be loved by you.

Remember that night we talked about growing old together. We were watching a film  that was not as interesting as we thought it would be. Then we got bored and just had a good conversation about future plans and life and kids. I still dream about it. I still visualize myself talking to you and finding myself in awe about learning how deep of a person you truly are each and every time. I thought I know all about you but you were more.  I still imagine how it feels like falling asleep right next to you and how that goodnight kiss taste like. It's been so long and eleven years with you felt too short.

Pops, I will be fine. I still have Enzo and I have to be the strong person I need to be. I hope to see you in my dreams all the time but even that comes too few and far between. I hope that whenever you have the chance to remember all your memory of us, you come down to earth and hold my hand and hug me like you used to so I'd know it's you. I wish you remember this day because it's the day we knelt in front of the altar with all our family and friends witnessing the love we had for each other. I love you pops. Like I always say nobody can ever replace you. This could've have been our 9th year together but sadly, were celebrating apart. HAPPY 9TH ANNIVERSARY.  I love you with all that's left of me.

Light Years Away

Mister moon glimmers as it followed me home tonight

He stares at me as I sit by the window of our beat up car

I wonder if he heard the whispers I heave at the sky

As he look into my eyes and marvel why it’s sad

I wonder if he can see you from light years away

I wonder if he can tell that I love you just the same

That even if you live in a different world now I still remember your face

And that your name never left my tongue even up to this day

I used to imagine what melancholy feels

Is it like hiccups when your heart loses oxygen?

And you feel the need to press your nostrils, cover your mouth and then start counting to ten

Photo credits to: http://www.everythingun until you can’t breathe then you start counting to ten

Is it sleeping tired and waking up feeling more exhausted?

Or maybe it’s the sense of drowning in your own tears but you gave smiles instead

It’s heartbreaking to see the world forget about you day by day

And how I’m left feeling exactly the same the day you went away

My only dream was to grow old holding your hands

But dear life didn’t seem to understand

The holy book says you leave every memory you had in this life when you pass on

Now I’m afraid I might have lost you forever -- gone

That no matter how hard I try not to forget

When God moves his hands everything cannot be kept

Now tell me how do I capture a star that used to be mine?

How do I tell him I waited so long for a sign?

How do I make him remember we kept each other’s secrets?

And that I still have our picture hanging in my locket

Tell me how do we recover what used to be ours?

The memories, happy or sad that was stolen from us

I wish there is a parallel universe hiding from afar

An alternate world where we’ll never be apart

HAPPY 31ST

I remember that day was as heavy as my heart. The sky casted grey clouds and the rain started pouring. It felt as though my heart already knows what was coming but my head was in a blur and couldn’t understand a thing or it knows but just denies it.

I wasn’t prepared but who is? Never in my wildest dreams did I thought of losing the heart that I fought for. The heart that showed me worlds I never knew. The heart that gave me new beginnings. The heart that accompanied me to all my firsts. And most of all the heart that gave me Enzo. My heart is still in pieces and I have to accept the cutting truth that, that’s how it’s going to be now. That I have to live a life that’s half empty.

Just a few weeks back I felt my anxiety creeping in again. I’ve always won over it when you we were still around but that day, I was just too weak to fight it. I cried the whole night until it knocked me off and the whole morning the next day, inside the bathroom. It’s hard when you have a messed up mind like mine. It's a cruel dimension. It vividly repeats every single scene inside that hospital. Every single scene until the moment I lost you. At times I can just easily snap out of it but there are occasions when it’s impossible.

Pops, I miss you. The kind where it hurts everywhere. I miss you. The kind where I stare blankly into space trying to remember the sound of your voice. I miss you. The kind where I would keep my eyes shut and imagine us sitting on the couch binge watching over pizza and beer. It's funny how I miss even the arguments. Our love hate relationship. I miss watching you sleep and putting a kiss on your lips. I miss squeezing you tight. I miss your smell on our pillows and sheets. I miss the jungle of snores you unknowingly give at night. I miss everything about you and I don't care if I sound redundant because that's how badly I miss you. I think of you a lot and there’s not a single day you don’t come to mind. I still talk to you in my head and most of the time in thin air, believing you’re just right beside me watching me wash the dishes like you used to. 

Everything has change since you left. The house feels lonely and quiet without you. I’m sorry I stopped listening to your playlist because it makes me miss you even more than I already do. Pops, I know you know I’m trying to be strong and trying to hang on. I’m giving it my best shot but there’s just days like this when I feel helpless and tired of keeping it all together. I honestly feel like garbage today. I should be glad because I know you're reunited with Tatay and I'm sure of the endless conversations you two would share. I keep reminding myself that I should be happy and celebrate your life because this is a special day for you and Nanay. This is the day the world has welcomed such an amazing-funny-being. This is the day the world prepared and molded you to the person I have liked, loved and married. I know you’re having a good time up there with our Lord. I pray to God to bless and purify your soul. I hope and pray every night that He may grant my heart’s desire that in another life I get to meet, love and marry you again. That there'll be three of us again. That we'll never have to part early in life again. I love you pops I hope you still know how much. No one can ever replace you. My heart is your home until such time that we meet again.

HAPPY 31st BIRTHDAY POPS! I LOVE YOU NG WALANG KAPANTAY!

The Concert Ground

We were in a crowded place
All eyes were fixed to the stage
The air was humid and every heart was warm
As they all sing along with the playing band

You were sipping your beer while holding my hand
Trying to sing and hum along with them
You weren’t smiling but you eyes radiate a happy feeling
And nothing mattered because this new found bliss is everything

Underneath the moon and the twinkling stars,
Was one of the best nights we ever had
We might have a few pennies left in our pockets
But we sure went home with a full heart of good memories we’ll hang on our lockets

I Miss You

From up there I know you see the stars better than I do
And I hate that I would miss to catch that view with you

And the high I get when I see your eyes all aglow
That inexplicable feeling that only we know

I wish I could still listen to you dreaming
Or hear your voice that calmed the chaos in me
I wish I could still feel your hugs and kisses
Or the crevices on your face whenever you're smiling

I miss the blanket wars and how you always choose to make me win
And when it gets too cold, under the covers you'll just slip your left foot in
I miss breathing in the air you breathe out
And the funny noises you make when you snore so loud
I miss watching you sleep while I trace your nose and lips with my fingertips
And the feeling I get when I'm sleeping right next to your heartbeat

I miss our little trips down at a local store,walking as our nostrils get filled with the scent of petrichor
I miss the movie nights turned into planning and building dreams cause the film either fell short or we got a little too bored
I miss those simple things that made me feel good inside
Those little things that now never fails to make me cry

I know these scars will forever bleed
No matter how I try to conceal
They say that time heals all wounds but it isn't true
Just like infinities never ends but they do

I want you to know that I've already forgiven you love for not keeping your promise
For leaving me too soon to harbor bittersweet memories
But please forgive me too for keeping you a bit longer
I may seem unwilling but each day without you gets a little harder

Everyday I still wish to see you coiled up in my dream-catcher
Until the day I've collected all the strength I could gather
To unclipped your wings I've held on for far too long
To let you soar free, have your peace and finally let you go

To the 8th and Infinity

Today, I should be celebrating and wearing a big smile

I wanted to be the first greet you with a kiss, a hug

and see your pearly whites

But it's been 264 long lonely days without you love

And all the memories you left with me is all I have

The sun still rise, the moon still shines

The coldness swept and the days gone by

Everyone moved on and life went on without you

And it hurts seeing how the world got busy forgetting about you

At night I find it hard to sleep

Thinking it was you I had but not allowed keep

In my head are the moments I begged God as I weep

Banging the doors of heaven like a creep

It kind of stings to say I love you

And not hear you say it back

You see, they keep telling me I should be fine

but it's still breaking me apart

I wish I know how to un-feel and not to feel

But you're already carved out in my soul and that's the deal

It's a struggle not to feel empty when your so hollow inside

When another life depends on you and you have to set what you feel aside

But in the middle of everything tears still fall and these stitches burns

Missing you comes in waves and today the tide turns

So, in between the happy pastel colors of summer

And the dark stormy weather of November

Where this once happy girl found and lost her forever

And where the questions just keep coming without an answer

In between those moments where happy was once was
Where life was never easy yet we felt otherwise
In between those moments is where I want to live
Where I can get lost inside your eyes again

I will keep waiting for you until all the lights go dim
Until the skies are dark and til the stars starts to gleam
I'll say my little prayer and have my eyes close
I hope to see you there cause it's you I miss the most.

Happy 8th Wedding Anniversary pops! Today, I miss you a little more than yesterday. I'll keep waiting for you to visit me in my dreams even if it has been too far and few. I want to have a chat with you like the old times. If I can get a kiss and a big warm hug it would be great but anything you can give is just fine. I love you pops. 

I Missed You Today

I missed you today. I will miss you tomorrow and the days after that. I will keep feeling this way for the rest of my life, until we meet again. 💔

Waves

Alam mo yung pinaka worst na feeling. Yung sa gitna ng napaka busy mong araw bigla na lang siyang papasok sa isip mo. Mararamdaman mo ulit kung gaano mo na siya ka-miss. Pero alam mo kung ano ang pinaka masakit dun? Yun yung pagkatapos bumalik lahat ng mga ala-ala niya, pagkatapos mo maramdaman lahat ng saya at lungkot na kasama ng mga ala-ala na yun, pagkatapos ng lahat lahat wala ka pa ding magawa at wala ka ng magagawa para bumalik siya...

All Souls Day

I wonder how this summer would taste like

Would it be like the Christmas of 2016?

-pungent

-bitter and

-painfully sour

I wonder If I would ever see sunsets as a promise of a new day

like I used to when I was still sharing the view with you

I wonder if summer would stay warm

or grow cold as the winter that enveloped your hands

that one afternoon in November.

Lonesome Firefly

Last night I saw that lonesome firefly

The one that wanders around our ceiling alone at night

Then I remembered  you and how your eyes glowed,

like a child seeing magic for the first time

And I remember that happy feeling,

those curves around your mouth, those happy lines

I wish we never run out of second chances

I wish we have as many,  as the sky have countless stars

I wish we had a clock that lets you go back

So we could have one more kiss and one more hug

A Letter to Heaven

Kahapon pops nag aya anak mo mag McDonalds, kaya pinagbigyan ko. Umorder ako ng gusto niya, fries at saka Mcfreeze. Habang kumakain nagkwento siya sakin, sabi niya napanaginipan ka daw niya, tayong tatlo magkakasama nagswi-swimming daw tayo. Parang nanghina ako, mangilidngilid luha ko actually muntik na talaga napigilan ko lang sarili ko. Nakita ko kasi sa mga mata ni Enzo na miss ka na niya, kahit dati lagi ka niyang inaaway, ngayon ko lang siya nakita na ganun. Kasi matapang siya daig pa niya ko, di niya pinapakitang malungkot siya kahit sa loob niya malungkot talaga siya. Tapos napatingin ako sa labas ng mall merong pamilya sa labas tatlo din sila pababa ng tricycle lalo ako nalungkot kasi dati tayo yun pag pinapasyal natin si bebe ngayon dalawa na lang kami.

 

Antahimik na ng bahay pops, wala ng nag re-request na tikman ko yung luto, wala ng nagpapatulong maghiwa ng sibuyas, kamatis, bawang. Wala ng nag mi-midnight snack, wala na ring gumagamit ng laptop. Wala ng naghihilik ng ubod ng lakas, wala ng nadadantay. Wala ng nang-iinis kapag naiiyak ako sa pinanunuood ko. Wala na kong supply ng choknaks at guyabano juice sa gabi, wala na nakakaisip bumili para sakin kasi kaw lang may alam na paborito ko yun. Nakakabingi yung katahimikan sa gabi pops, di ko na naririnig yung tawa mo habang nanunood ka sa youtube ng episode ng eatbulaga o kaya fliptop. 

Grabe ka mag pa miss pops sagad hanggang kaluluwa. Yung luha ko parang di na mauubos. Araw-araw gabi gabi. Hinahanap ko pa din yung amoy mo. Kahit katabi ko si bebe parang wala pa din akong katabi, pinagkakasya ko na lng sarili ko sa damit mong ginawa kong punda ng unan mo para kahit papano makatulog ako. Ang weird ng pakiramdam ko, para nga kong tanga kasi kahit habang naglalaba ko kanina umiiyak ako, dati kasi magkatulong tayo linggo linggo sa paglalaba, kailangan madaming downy para mabango yung mga damit, kailangan kamayin mga puti at panlakad para di maluma agad lahat yun ako na lang gumagawa pops. Lahat ginagawa natin magkasama kaya ang sakit sakit na ngayun wala na ko kasabay gawin lahat yun. Pati sa pagkain minsan nakakalimot na ko,  wala na kasing nangungulit na sabayan ko kumain. 

Pops, sobrang sakit ng pagkawala mo, sa sobrang sakit parang wala ng saysay yung buhay ko pero alam ko kailangan ako ng anak natin kaya kahit papano kumikilos ako, alam ko mawawala din tong sakit pero sa ngayon pagpasensyahan mo muna ko tulad ng dati, kelangan ko lang damahin to at ipagluksa ka hayaan mo lang muna ko gawin to. Mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal kita pops. Magkikita din tayo antayin mo ako. Aayusin ko lang buhay namin ni bebe, sisiguraduhin ko lang na okay na si Enzo, na kayang kaya na niya kahit wala na tayo. Hintayin mo ko pops hahanapin kita. 💔

The Seven-Year Itch

Love and hurt comes in one package. It is almost impossible to love without coming out unscathed. But, love is also a choice. A choice that you have to make every single day of your life. It's not something you want today and hate tomorrow. It's a life you have to lodge in or to dwell into. You have to live with the all the jungle of snores at night, the bad breaths in the morning, the funky smell of farts, the ear-tearing noise, the unavoidable arguments, the heartbreaking fights, the cold treatments, the tear and bile stained pillows and everything else that comes with loving someone. You have to embrace not just the good and the cheesy stuff but also, and more importantly the bad and not so lovable things about a person you want to be with.

I have made that choice seven (7) years ago today. The seven-year itch, I know! They say this is the time when the world would challenge your relationship and see if you truly stand the test of time and others would say that when you reached this long inside a relationship it's forever. Well, I'd like to think it's the latter.

Like the old cliche, it was not "a piece of cake". We have a lot in common yet still different in so many ways, and it was not easy. We had to go through different stages and levels. Sometimes, we get deep into each others nerves and it would test our patience. Then there were times that we no longer understand each other, there's always resentment, the fights are becoming more painful and our thoughts are leading us to putting an end to this relationship but at the end of the day we patch things up and choose to go back to where we started and everything becomes alright.

As years go by, we learn a lot about life and love. We continuously learn about us, that we don't still know everything about each other even if we've been together for so long. That as we grow together we will keep discovering new things. That these discoveries will help us handle and understand what each of us feels or is going through better. And that we cannot get our hands into inevitable things but with compassion and a good judgment of the situation we will be able to figure things out.

I've learned that love is not just a mere endearment or feeling, that it has a much deeper meaning than what I've known it to be. That love has so many different faces, platforms and portions. But the best thing I've discovered about it is that love, no matter how little the sparkle maybe like a candle that turns into a fire that can burn a house, love will and always will prevail. So, choose what is worth all the pain and the tears, and I'm glad I have made mine and I'm keeping it.

Waking Up As You Snore

There’s nothing more comforting than waking up beside the person who snores the loudest yet instead of getting annoyed you find the sound very soothing and reassuring. It’s like waking up to the sound of the wind and waves near the shore or the sweet blend of melody of the birds sitting on your porch. That kind of feeling that relaxes the soul. That’s how I feel waking up beside you as you snore.

There may have been nights that I squeeze your nose for you to stop or hit you with my elbow or slap you in the face, and I’m sorry for doing so. I must have been so tired and just wanted to have a peaceful goodnight sleep but instead I found myself in the jungle of roars from a thousand beast. But recalling on how you would react when I do those things is classic!. It always leave a trail of smile on my face whenever I remember. Those wbutere the nights I wouldn't miss for the world.

As strange as it can be, this is the kind of mood that sets everything right for me, because this is something I only hear when your back home after a year of sailing through different shores. It's something I look forward and hold onto. It somehow gives me that sense of security when I hear it, it’s like a reminder that you’ll always be by my side no matter what the circumstance may be. But this year have been so rough, it's been one hell of a drag for the both of us. We seem to collide with each other almost everyday but really, no matter how difficult the situation is or how much we hate or annoy each other when times gets a bit too rough I know that we'll choose to stick together because that's how much we love each other. I LOVE YOU BEYOND WORDS CAN EVER SAY.

HAPPY 5TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY POTCH!

 

A Name Without A Face

Everyday there’s a little less of a chance I wouldn't hear it, inside the bus, in the streets, in school (when I was still in college), in my everyday conversation with friends and in the neighborhood.

I've heard it a thousand times or probably even more before we actually met. I hear it every day like it was some sort of news. It’s like a playlist being played on the radio. It’s very common that you share it with a lot of guys.

In my recollection, there was something about it I couldn't figure out. It’s like a match stick rubbed into the rough side of its box and fires up. It just simply lights me up and it’s funny and weird all at the same time. That thing I’m trying to describe is your name, “Niño”.

I remember I have two friends back in collegiate years that have friends with the same name as yours and as weird as it can be something came up to me, something that says "someday there’ll be a guy named Niño who will sweep me off my feet and he will be the love of my life." But of course, it was crazy to think that I actually feel a spark to a name without a face. It’s like a big question mark written all over my face. So, I just totally brushed off the idea.

Over the years a lot has changed. I have been through rough times and have already forgotten half about it. Then came, you. And for some strange reasons there's a force of nature that waved back to me. I was struck in awe. I really couldn't explain the burst of emotions I was going through at that time. It was crazy and wonderful and it was like a lucid dream that came to life. I just can’t believe that it was actually happening. I never really took it seriously, I didn't really entertain the thought, and I didn't really give much attention to it because to me it was impossible. I mean, it could be any guy with a different name. But your name plus you, came at such a perfect time.

 I never really took it as a sign. You know, hearing your name in my everyday routine but I guess it really was a sign. And it’s funny because after so many heartaches I never really prayed for anything but to be happy in love and be loved by someone whom God has molded just for me. I just never thought that God would connect each dots on your name to create a wonderful canvass. Your name now has a face. And I am so grateful to God for this gift. It’s just amazing how God uniquely created our love story. How he let our different paths meet in his crazy big maze. How he let all this came true for me.

Now that we’re on our fourth year of marital bliss and remembering how I felt when we exchange vows on our wedding day hasn't change a bit. It still gives me the same spark and magical feeling I felt about your name even before seeing your face.

So, I guess nobody really is too old for fairy tales after all.

Happy Fourth Year Wedding Anniversary Potch! I love you to hell and back.

Beyond Price

I can't believe the holidays are over and I am another year older. The world has been pretty much on my side last year, I hope that it would still be the same this new year. I have been so blessed to have very supportive parents, a good husband and of course an adorable-naughty little boy. I may have had failed in so many things in my entire 29 years of existence but all those failures inspired me to become a better person. I have flaws, I mean who doesn't? And who would want to be perfect? I did once but I realized that being  perfectly imperfect is just perfect for me... :) I no longer want to be afraid in failing because failing just makes me feel normal. I think normal is such a flimsy statement. It's more like special, extra special... With these people surrounding me even if I fail a gazillion times it would still be nothing compared to the love and encouragement they give me.

I have my best friends... I have my loving parents... I have my little boy and I have such a good husband who has put up to all my stubbornness and craziness like a best friend does and a confidante whenever I lose faith in me. These people are my backbone, the ones that keep me going no matter how hard life seem to be. I am just glad that even though I have an evil side the Lord has never turned His back on me. He gave me a family that I know would always be there when I need them, a family that I sometimes feel doesn't deserve someone like me. I am blessed and I feel blessed because out of all the people in the world God chose me to be a special part of them. I may have not all the riches in the world but I am more than the richest man in the world because I have my crazy best friends, my family, and my own family with me. This is the utmost expensive gift that money can never buy. So, eat your hearts out, because I have them. :)

Christmas Eve 2012

I prepared Noche Buena by myself this year since beb is away. I cooked five dishes and a dessert for all of us. I started prepping at around five in the afternoon and finished everything by eleven-thirty in the evening. I know it's tiring specially the "by myself" part, but it was all worth it. I didn't even expect I'd be able to skype with beb that very night. It was like the best experience ever. I have never seen my little boy that happy when he saw his Papa on the screen. He even asked "Papa do you love me?" only beb didn't hear it the first time. He kept on kissing the screen thinking he could touch his father's face. It was such a heart warming moment. For me this is like the best gift I have received this Christmas.

Yuletide Blues...

Sometimes I wonder how I can manage to get through the day without hearing from you. At times it feels likes I have been waiting forever when in fact it has only been months since you went away. There are days when I hear myself speak out your name out of nowhere and it's funny but it must be because I miss you so bad that even my subconscious is giving a snappy come back.

I no longer cry myself to sleep like the first time you left. My pillows are stain-free, at least that's one thing to be happy about. But really, it's this time of the year that I usually get in to this emotional battle. I know that Christmas, New Year and my birthday are supposed to be festive and blissful but they turn out to be such a sappy moment for me when you're not around. It's like I'm celebrating the yuletide season alone though I have everybody here including Enzo.

All of them says I'll get used to it, but I don't want to get used to it. I don't want not to feel how much I miss you. I don't want not to feel how much I want to see your face. I don't want not to feel how much I long to touch and kiss and hug you. I don't want not to die every single time I want to be near you. I don't want those feelings to disappear, for if it did it would only mean I have stopped loving and caring for you.

I know this whole thing of you being away from me and our son isn't going to be permanent. I know that God in his kindness would grant us the gift of togetherness soon, that neither of us need to be away to provide everything that we need. I just hope that we both stay inspired and strong and healthy and faithful to one another as God work things out for us. 

I know that you know how much I love you Beb and I wouldn't tire of telling you everyday for as long as I live. I love you as much as I love Enzo. The two of you are the most valuable gift I have ever received. I am complete and I feel complete. There's nothing more to ask for the once empty spaces have already been filled in by both of you. You have given my life a whole new context. It almost feels like I am the words and you are the meaning without you I am plain senseless.

Me VS. Mantra

Don't count the days, make the days count. I just can't help but wonder how I can make that happen when every single day I really feel like an out of tuned guitar and I would never be pleasing to the ears until  somebody make me accordant. This being my mantra kind of conflicts the way I really feel. It's been like a month and two weeks after you left (well there I go again! stop! counting!) but it felt like forever. I really miss you! like I said in my recent post even if we fight a lot whenever were together I still wish that there's no spaces between us.

The Third...

Often times we hurt each other and say words out of our rage but deep inside I know like me you also wish you never should've said it. We fight over many things and admittedly, we both have raised our pride over each other.

Although we are as one now, I know that we still have our differences and our own flaws that we sometimes forget the beautiful things we've shared behind our imperfection as a couple and as an individual. We fight a lot whenever we're together but we feel so incomplete when we're apart and it's crazy. It's like everything's in a limbo when we're pulled away from each other. Maybe because we're used to doing things together. We are like twins in so many different ways.

We've been through ups and downs, high and lows. We've been through so much together. There even was a time when we almost gave up on each other but God pulled us through and I couldn't thank Him enough for making you stay, for making you hold onto our promise. There were inevitable circumstances that we lose our grip and find it difficult to deal with each other but like a line that Bob Marley once said "I'm not perfect and I don't live to be..." I commit mistakes, you commit mistakes, we both commit mistakes like everyone else does. I may be stupid and careless at times but there was never a day that I didn't love you. I may have failed to show how I feel about you sometimes but there was never a day that passed by that I didn't love you.

I know that we're not even half way through our journey together as husband and wife and as parents to Enzo. We have a lot to experience yet and to discover about each other. I know that there will be more challenges coming our way, some may just pass by without us knowing and some may not guarantee it would be easy, but for one thing, at the end of the day it's still you I want to laugh and giggle with. It's still you I want to go on a movie marathon with until the wee hours of the morning. It's still you I want to hold hands with. It's still you I want to share my KFC Chicken Meal with. It's still you I want to share my pizza and beer with. It's still you I want to hug and blew kisses away with. It's still you I want to sleep and cuddle with every night. It's still you I want to see when I wake up each morning. It's still you  whenever, wherever, however and no matter what. And if I have to live my life again I would still choose to share the rest of my life with you, over and over and over and over again.
I LOVE YOU SOOOOOOO MUCH POPS... HAPPY 3RD WEDDING ANNIVERSARY!!!!

I am the butterfly, you are the wall

        happy 2nd year of togetherness beb i love you
                                 so much...