Stranger

I don't actually know how to begin this blog post. I'm at loss for words, it seems like there's no exact description of how I am feeling. I don't even know how it all started to drift away, all I know now is this is something I need to let go of.

We were tight as far as I can remember (well, at least for me). I have spend more time with you than my family when we were younger. Then years passed by, you gain new friends and so did I. I learned how to mingle with other people, I go out and drink and it was fun. They were cool yet very sincere of the friendship they offered me, and I know you saw that with your own eyes because even you felt it and even wanted to be part of it. I let you in but there is just something that doesn't fit right. I just don't know what exactly.

Then inevitable things happened. 

My priorities have changed, I became busy with my own family. You tried to get me into your new ventures which I have denied because my son needs me more and I thought out of all people you would understand but I was wrong. And since then you treated me differently, at first I thought I may just be too paranoid. You even had me feeling guilty which I never should've felt in the first place. But you were good at making people feel like they are the problem. Then I thought you changed or maybe you did not, maybe this was really you after all and I was just too blind to see that all this time you were wearing a mask to conceal your darkness, to make it appear like you were someone I could lean onto.

I remember one time when I sang at a gig, a common friend and I were headed to the restroom a stranger got my attention by grabbing my hand just to say that they liked how I performed and I was so shy but I managed to smile and thank them. Then another one came up to me in front of the restroom and said my performance was like that of "The Late Isabel" I was so shock because I love Wawi Navarosa and to be given that compliment was very flattering. Then a friend told you all about it and the funny thing is you took credit for it. You were so exuberant to tell everyone how they complimented you when their words of praise was really about me and this common friend and I looked at each other and we where like "that's not what happened". I brushed it off at that time thinking you just misunderstood it but then looking back, in my recollection at rehearsals everyone were giving me compliments on how my voice fits the song and then days after you were asking me if we could change songs but I disagreed and you got upset because you were used to people giving in to your pleas.

I just realized looking back, I never really was someone you'd care for. I never felt significant to you (except when you needed someone to do you favors and someone who would do as you please) as you are to me, but strangely without questions, without hesitations, I accepted it. I was happy with you, at least I thought I was. And now I feel like I've made a mistake for ever allowing you to occupy a special place in my heart. You made me feel like I should've listened to her the very day she told me you were something else.

I was nothing but kind and helpful to you. My mom can attest to that because even she helped you out when you had nothing, and by that I mean literally nothing!. I couldn't be more disappointed of your words and actions. How can you put yourself above anyone who has cared for you? How can you simply throw away the years we've gone through and treat me like a total stranger. Those words should've have been left unsaid, there was no need for you to offend us. It was crystal clear that you don't want to do it because you wouldn't have made such lame excuses and lied to me and my mom if you really wanted to. There was also no need for the words of advice, how highly do you think of yourself to even have the nerve to give that piece of crap? Do you really think we are mooching you off? and if that was really the case, what you owe us or should I say how much you owe us is more than enough to pay your services.

I'm letting all these go since those years no longer matter to you anyway. I am moving on.